The Closure Crutch

Seriously sista. It is one thing to say YOU need closure, another thing to get closure, and another thing to give closure. Either way, YOU must take action. Allowing yourself to depend on another person to give YOU closure does not benefit YOU. However, it does prevent YOU from moving forward. Why should YOU have to wait for someone else to explain themselves, apologize, or tell YOU that it is okay for YOU to move on? Without realizing it, some of us have allowed the word closure to become a form of control in our lives that we willing hand over to another person. Why?! Get rid of your "closure crutch!" YOU may feel like YOU need closure, but YOU do not get it from some one else. YOU give it to yourself. Completely Lean On Self Understanding Reasoning and Efficacy. Forgive the negative situation, forgive the person who you believe may have caused the negative situation, and forgive yourself for allowing the negative situation to burden your success. It is your time to shine. Seriously sista...YOU do not need closure, YOU need to close it!

Got Me Working Day and Night

Seriously sista, you may have a calender full of appointments, classes, or meetings. It looks good on paper, but what is going on in your head? Has your calendar become a statement for your success, or failure? Think it through and ask yourself if your constant state of busy is actually your constant state of confusion? Are you creating busy work for yourself in an effort to not concentrate on an area in your life that needs some type of adjustment. Are you able to set goals, and clear objectives that will improve your quality of life, self-worth, and level of confidence? If so, then your calendar will reflect it. If not, then schedule your next meeting as follows:

Subject: Strategic Planning
Time: Monday 9 a.m. - 10 a.m.
Invitees:Me, Myself, and I
Optional:Coach and/or Mentor
Purpose: To get organized according to my SMART goals, and priorities

Make sure that your calendar is full of productive elements that are in line with what you have set out to accomplish. Seriously sista, running around putting your hands in everything only makes them dirty.

What's in a name?

Seriously sista, if God does not allow a man to eat if he doesn't work then why should we? I believe this to be true not only for food, but also for relationships. If a man does not put in the work required to be your husband, then why are you tooting his last name, and lying to the world and yourself by saying he is your husband. I notice this more in younger women that are not mature enough to know most mature men are not looking for "a free meal" to take advantage of. Unfortunately, some women are in a fantasy land of perfect marital bliss. So, the first man that gives them a little bit of attention is pegged as "the one." Then, after dating for a while lust shows up in full costume masqurading as love. Next, the man that once was your friend is now your fiancee without once asking you to marry him, or giving you a ring. You move in together, and still one lease later and no wedding date set you are now sporting his last name and calling him your husband. Don't set yourself up for a pointless breakdown when you can easily set yourself up for a positive breakthrough. Be prepared for Mr. Right by terminiating Mr. Wrong. The same characteristic you want in Mr. Right should be the same in you. If you want a man with good credit, then you should have good credit. If you want a man with a sable and productive income, the you should have a stable and productive income. I could go on and on with this, but I am sure you get the picture. Seriously sista...a little work won't hurt. Real men know and understand this concept. So don't surrender your last name as a payout to someone that doesn't fulfill the number one job requirement.

Unstick Stupid!

Seriously sista...If you are 19 years old in a relationship with a 29 year old man with three kids that doesn't approve of you doing things that 19 year olds do, and cannot figure out for yourself what you need to do to fix your situation, then you need more help than that of what Steve Harvey can advise. I must applaude and address the efforts of Steve Harvey. He has been coined as a guru on the male mentallity, and in an effort to make things better for us women he has decided to write a book, an advice column, and promote an online dating site. Well, thank you, Steve Harvey. Thank you for showing and telling women how to "unstick their stupid." I guess this is another thing that we women can give a man credit for. Instead of us realizing that when we trip over our own relationship mess that we need to clean it up ourselves, we can give all the credit for our relationship success (when or if it happens) to Steve Harvey. This is not a dis on Steve Harvey, but simply something for us as women to stop and think about. Steve can tell you what a man is thinking, and how he will use the information that results from his thinking process from the male perspective. However, only a women that knows you and what you have been through can tell you how to use the information that results from those bad decisions that you have made from a female perspective. That women is YOU! Seriously sistas, haven't we allowed ourselves to depend on the male perspective for long enough? When will we begin to think for ourselves? We do not need another man to tell us what we already know in our heart is wrong. We have all made bad choices. It is up to us to decide that we will make better choices by using our own God given sound mind and its ability to think and reason. Seriously sista...catch a clue...think it through...and do what is best for you!

Get Tough!

"One of the mental toughness secrets of the world class is laughing in the face of pressure, pain, and fear. No matter how big the problem may seem, it won't matter in 100 years. A good mental strategy is doing the opposite of the masses. When the masses are freaking out, you should be laughing. This isn't frivolous, it's street smart. The middle class performer waking up at night worried about the economy is the victim of his/her own fear based thinking. Scared people make short term, irrational decisions. Stay strong and clear headed by hanging loose and laughing at the folly of life. If you can, you'll be happier and more creative in problem solving when times are tough, and you'll be unstoppable and even happier when good times return. The million dollar bonus is once you've stared fear in the face and prospered, you'll never be afraid of tough times again." -Steve Siebold, CSP

Seriously sista...This man's quote is an asset to your "mental cashflow statement." If you think back and consider all of the things in life that you chose not to do simply because of pressure, pain, or fear, then I am sure you would probably want to step on your own foot. Well...you have been stepping on your own foot the whole time, and quite possibly tripping over your own feet by allowing that fear to keep you from moving forward. You can fall down all day long, but just remember that the success is in getting back up again. Furthermore, learning and laughing about it brings positive increase to your character. So, go ahead and fall. Just remember to get up laughing. Seriously sista...we won't laugh at you, but we will laugh with you.

Check yourself!

Seriously sista...why are you concerned with what a man has? His car? His job? His money? His credit? His phsical appearance? Why is this even your first thought before you consider dating someone? Really, the first question should be, "What do I have?" I know that I may touch a few nerves with this one, but hear me out. If your standard for your own SELF is not perfect, then why should you expect the man that you date to be the ultimate in perfection? For example, if your credit is bad, then why is it a problem for his credit to be bad? If you are not physically fit, then why should he have to be? If you are not responsible, then why should he be responsible? My suggestion is simple. Check yourself! Get your house in order. Anyone full of negativity will only attract negativity. You get what you give, you reap what you sow, what goes around comes around. Figure out what it may be about you that you need to change. Men get enough of a bad rap. So, stop discouraging men with your negative conversations. Instead, encourage men to be better than their yesterday, and at the same time make sure you are doing what it takes to improve your situation. Contact an experienced financial planner, research investment opportunities, continue your education, give back to your community, and always make time for yourself and family. Let your positive actions, as well as attitude attract the kind of man you know you deserve. Finally, don't get weary in well doing. You may be single right now, but take this blessing of time and make the most of it. Use it to build up enough strength to set, and hold the bar high. Then, wait for Mr. Right to jump over it. Seriously sista...he just might land on one knee.

No Peeking!

Seriously sista...your past is only powerful if you allow it to be (thanks Mrs. Joyce). I know you have been tried on several occasions by issues that try to break you down. Issues that make you look back on past madness and quickly you compare it to present. I would suggest you leave the "buts" behind you, and press toward the high mark. Excellence is in front of you, and if you keep looking back chances are you will miss it. So, NO PEEKING! A great reference of encouragement is a book entitled "The Confident Woman" by Joyce Meyer. In this book she reveals seven secrets of a confident woman, and believe me, this is a good lesson for those of us that can't get pass our past. Understand that moving on won't be easy. It will take time to renew your mind. Keep in mind, though...the journey of a thousand miles starts with one step. Seriously sista...looking forward, take that first step.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile